Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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