I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
