im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
