did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
