My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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