I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
