If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
