i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Randomize