My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize