Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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