mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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