WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
