the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
