you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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