Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
