Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize