he laminated a picture of his dick.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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