Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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