I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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