If that was your dad, he is hot
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
