You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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