I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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