these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
