I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I believe in your delicious
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize