mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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