There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Your cock deserves a montage
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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