You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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