You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize