He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
