new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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