Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My hand turned me down
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
