I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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