You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
