he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
