On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
worst night to have a conscience
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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