Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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