I accidentally burped into my bong.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
