I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
