mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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