I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
