im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
