Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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