I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
