what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize