just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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