the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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