awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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