I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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