i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Watching her eat just hurts me
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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