Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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