Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
