Umm I'm too high to move.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
