Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
