If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
