I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
