She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
