i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
