1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So drunk its hurt
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize