You really coming over, don't trick.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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