This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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