I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
