So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize