bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
