I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
