writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
