Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
