One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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