please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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