She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I will be naked everywhere
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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