Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
