so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
