so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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