dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
