maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
