I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
