I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she told me i tasted like america
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize