I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
