you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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