she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
