he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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