you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
