i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
