I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
