She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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