Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
