U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
