To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize