Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
