By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
