Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize