I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
