We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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