I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
