Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Where is the hickey?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
