I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
