You really coming over, don't trick.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
