Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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