He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
