maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
