idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
