I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
