dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Someone came in the potted fern
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
