2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
