Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
