your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
