I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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