So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
